F*** tha Po(st Office)

A little stressed bride rant:

USPS, why are you trying to kill me??

As anyone who speaks to me for more than 10 minutes will find, I have a long and complicated relationship with the United States Postal Service. I bring it up whenever I can. The post office I have been forced to use for the past 8 years is notoriously, laughably, surreally terrible, but I like to save those stories for small talk at parties. I know WAY too much about shipping, which is the saddest, worst party trick of all time.

But remember those invitations I sent? The ones lovingly crafted by our little hands? Well, I mailed them all two weeks ago. In the past couple days, three of them (all NYC addresses) have been returned to me, postage cancelled, with messages ranging from, “attempted- not known,” “unable to forward,” and “no receptacle.” Never mind that they all had 100% correct addresses. Never mind they had more than enough postage. USPS just decided, for one reason or another, that those recipients shouldn’t get invited to our wedding.

Plus, returned mail always comes back looking like the mail carrier was a rapid dog.

Insult—->injury.

Wee wah wee wah. These are the types of events that would have seemed so inconsequential to me a year ago, but now they send me into a panicked tailspin. My mind immediately jumps to, “What if they ALL get returned to me?” and “your wedding is going to be a mess- you can’t even send invitations properly.” I know both of these things are probably not true- but the closer we get to the wedding, the crazier I get. Bride. Zilla.